October 2010

I haven't written on here for a while for several reasons. First, I was trying to sell a house, buy a house, move into a temporary situation, while looking for a home,and finally move into a permanent home. Then it was time to sign kids up for school, give proof of residency, birth certificates, and shot records, find sports, dance and piano teachers, and oh yeah, unpack and make your new house a home, and then find time to write. No problem...

So the whole blog thing has been way on the back burner, like, not even on the back burner, more like under the cupboard getting mummified in spiderwebs. Plus I've had a hard time being positive and I didn't want to be a Debbie downer all the time, but I've decided, what the hey, I tried, and now I've got to vent! So if you are still reading, hold on to your seats, 'cause Becky is about to blow.

October started off nice enough. We'd unpacked more than two hundred boxes, found piano teachers and bass guitar teachers, and drum teachers, and dance/singing class teachers, and I found an awesome trail to run on, so everything seemed to be going great. Plus our hugeormous ward was split and we were put in a brand spanking new ward. This is great because we only had sacrament meeting the first week, because there were no teachers. Cool, huh? Then we had this amazing Indian summer to boot. Perfect fall weather for like, a month, at least! If I'd actually had a garden this summer I'd have still been pulling out tomatoes, and carrots and zucchini and pumpkins and who knows what else, but I didn't have one, so I cheated and found a farmers market, where I bought all those great things and brought them home to my family and looked impressive while doing so. (So they are easily impressed, what can I say?) Then to top it all off we had General Conference, and I was able to bask in the spirit for two days. I went away feeling love, hope, and a desire to do more, be more, and felt inspired to share my testimony of God with those around me.

Then the whole GL community decided to get offended, read things into a talk that were never there, and had the audacity to point fingers at a church that does the absolute opposite when it comes to bullying, intimidating, hating, etc. It was so ironic that I found myself growing hot under the collar, while the wonderful spirit I had felt all but disappeared, and I began to ask God how long He would stay his hand.

So in the midst of a lot of debate, which, by the way NEVER gets you anywhere, and I know better, but darn it if I don't get sucked in sometimes, I started reading my scriptures. I need to clarify, I wasn't just reading, I was searching them for answers and for peace. Twice I came upon scripture that helped me with perspective.

First was when Stephen preached to the people that they had become a hard hearted and stiff necked people, reminding them that they themselves rejected Jesus Christ and became murderers and betrayers. And when the people heard this it "Cut them to the heart and they gnashed on him with their teeth." Then they proceeded to stone him to death... Nice... Then I read a passage where Christ himself says to his disciples that "They shall deliver you up to be afflicted and shall kill you and you shall be hated...for my names sake. And...many shall be offended and shall betray one another and shall hate one another. But he that endureth to the end shall be saved.

This got me thinking. What camp am I in? If I'm among those that burn churches, picket at a religious groups most holy temple, and then preach tolerance and love, am I not a hypocrite? This seems easy, but there are sooo many who do not see the hypocrisy in this. So I look deeper inside myself. When I was baptized at the age of eight, I took upon myself the name of Christ. I became His disciple, therefore it falls upon me to keep going in faith, to turn the other cheek, to love those that curse me and despise me, or rather curse my beloved religious leaders, and to obey all his commandments. It is a tall order. I'm not sure I fully understood what was expected of me at such a young age, or at least then it seemed sooo much easier.

But now I am an adult and I've got to grow a thicker skin, all while keeping God's perspective in mind. Wasn't His own son despised and rejected of man? Am I any greater than He?

I should be used to this by now, but I still don't have very thick skin, even after the ridicule I faced in high school: the mean girls that went out of their way to shove me against doors, spit gravel through their squealing tires, while giving me the finger as I made my way home for lunch because I was too afraid to face them, or who made vomiting noises while I sang on stage. While I think I've gotten over it, hate and rejection still stings. But let me clarify, hurt does not equal hate. Christ himself spent most of the New Testament chastising his people. That probably hurt a little, but he never stopped loving them. And he definitely never hated them, or made cutting jabs.

This much I can promise you. I will never run for politics. People would have a hey day digging around looking for every negative thing on me and splashing it all over the news. And I'd never make it. I still believe that the world is generally good, and that people are generally good, and it would really tear down my Pollyanna belief that people are what they profess to be. So hats off to all the leaders out there who are willing to take one for the team. I only hope I'm never one that adds to the slush pile.

I'm done on this topic for now. I've got more waiting in the wings, but for now maybe I can get some sleep.