Friday, December 2, 2011
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson
I saw this quote today and thought it was worth sharing.
We all have fear, or at least most of us do. I have a lot of fears. Fear of yelling at my kids right when someone rings the doorbell. Fear of calling people on the phone. Fear that I will spend too much money at the grocery store, or Macy's or Target or TJ Maxx or any other store. Fear that no one will read this blog, or read my books. Fear that no one will like my books. Fear that those monkeys on Wizard of Oz will come into my room at night and whisk me away to their evil castle and then throw apples at me all night long.
Anywho, the point is this: I love to act. I love to write. I love to sing. And for the past 17 years I have avoided most of these things out of fear. Fear that if I go to an audition there will be someone better, prettier, thinner, taller, and just flat out more talented than myself.
Well, guess what? Of course there will be...but so what? I went to an audition today with all of those thoughts tumbling around my head and guess what, there was a very pretty woman dressed similarly to me and let's just be honest, she was all of those things. A tall toothpick with an amazingly gorgeous face. And there I sat feeling inadequate, plain and under-qualified. But I didn't run out of the room. I stayed, did my part and left feeling pretty darn proud of myself.
Something happened this year. I turned 37 and I shed some skin. That skin that keeps us from failing, but also holds us back from succeeding. I grew some thicker skin, too. It's called, "I like me as I am." So I took an acting class, auditioned for a student film, and even got a part in it! Since then I've been involved in several other projects and I can see more in my future. I had fun today. I'm glad I went, and whether or not I get the part isn't as important as conquering this paralyzing fear I have had for many many years.
My advice for tonight? Do something crazy. Shed some skin. I didn't say clothes, mind you, I said skin. Keep your clothes on. This is a family show, after all.But there is something to that old adage that underneath all those clothes we are all naked. Helps to keep things in perspective as far as feelings of inadequacies. (I don't mean that in a dirty way of course) Come on, you know what I mean!